March 2011
tired of feeling guilty when i shouldn’t and don’t want to.
remembering what i used to feel and reliving the breaking off my heart or the numberous times or what is really just disappointment. i’m tired of crying, i’m tired of runnng away, i’m tired of sitting still. i’m tired of not functioning, not coping, not being able to breathe, not knowing where to go or how to be happy. i’m tired of incessantly vomiting and staying...
eternally wishing for the thing i dont and may never have. eternally wishing for the things i need and maybe never let myself have.
i hate where i am and my brain is craving nicotine. jesus christ.
once again i’m questioning what i want in and want to do with my life. i feel like i’m making the wrong choices and setting myself up for failure.
“i dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
and sung me moon-struck, kissed me...”
– sylvia plath inspired tattoo in the next few weeks, thank god.
i just parked behind a car with bumper stickers saying “marriage: ONE man ONE woman” and “abortion stops a beating heart.” i left a note on their windshield saying “your bumper stickers are fucking insulting and disgraceful,” assholes.
i feel fucking insane.
i just registered for eighteen credits next quarter, i’m not sure how this is going to work out but i’m hoping i can put the effort into everything that i need to.
classes:
concert band
art history (baroque to modern)
photo one
race, class, gender, sex
gallery prep
PLUS BEING THE MANAGER OF THE FUCKING ARCHER GALLERY!
i occasionally begin to feel really good and significant in the lives of others only to realize that i’m not and probably won’t be significant in most people’s lives.
